Five Minutes to Discuss 60+ Years of Conflict….and other forms of bull crap.


Do not rush me.

I didn’t schedule this test.

You did.

I did not ask me to ‘briefly’ discuss the conflicts in the middle-east occurring after World War II. Firstly, I’m not sure which conflict you’re referring to. According to CNN I have seven to choose from just this week.

…it’s only Tuesday.

But you decided you want me to briefly discuss 60 years of conflicts?

I fully intend to write the most wordy and obnoxious answer to your ‘short answer response’ question possible. Short answer is relative, anyway.

“You have about five more minutes…” he said.


I’m going to need at least an additional hour. And this one measly piece of photocopied line paper is not going to cut it.

It’s the freaking middle-east. A lot has occurred, and as I’m writing, I’m sure something else is occurring. By the time I finish writing this and turn it in, I will have missed something. I will be wrong. Is that what you want professor? Do you want to be misinformed?

If I wanted to poorly inform you, I could get a job at FOXNEWS.

I could get a job there and work my way up the cooperate ladder in less time than it would take me to write about the conflicts that have occurred in the middle east in the last 60 years.

Oh…I have three more minutes?

I bet you the innocent civilians caught in the crosshairs of border disputes had more than three minutes?

Hmmmph. Talkin’ bout some ‘three minutes’

I can’t even start my paper in three minutes! bruh. I’m trying to work in some symbolism, I’ve got plans of incorporating a dance number. I was going to write you the middle-eastern equivalent of ‘for colored girls’. I’m thinking dramatic stage play. I’m thinking silver-screen movie. I’m thinking Oprah Winfrey is going to wanna get in on this. Do you SEEEE the vision?

I can’t do that in three minutes. How about I take this portion of the test back to my dorm, and work on it there. It’s not even about a grade. It’s about principle.

“Alright, if everyone would make sure they’re name is on their test….” the professor said, which is professor-talk for, “Look. I’m trying to get outta here too.”

In a class of nearly fifty people only myself, some girl who never comes to class and some guy who I’m pretty sure speaks no English, remained.  Angrily we got up to hand in our tests.

I was off to a pretty intense start. I didn’t get to develop any of my characters in the starting paragraph, but I’m sure he will be able to see the trails of thought.

And if he doesn’t then he will witness a conflict that people will surely write about.





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